Dodgy Nha Trang

Ah Nha Trang, full of dodgy Russians, conniving pickpockets and enthusiastic bar hustlers! We arrived at this idyllic beachside city at about 7am and checked into Mojzo hostel where we were warmly greeted with open arms by the lovely reception staff. Honestly I've never experienced such hospitable and friendly staff. When I told them my name, they seemed to jump for joy as apparently Callum or 'Cao Lam' is a very popular Vietnamese name. Who knew? We dropped our bags off and went straight to the beach...our jaws dropped. Having not seen such beautiful beachside views since Koh Samet, some 2 months ago it was nye on orgasmic. Ok maybe not that good but it was still bloody awesome to see.

In this city there isn't a whole lot to do which suited our then lazy demeanour. In the evenings we went spent most our nights at Booze Cruise bar having been manhandled in by two enthusiastic/eccentric bar girls called Lovely and Windy (genuinely). They were all about selling Jaeger bombs. Upon introducing herself to us, she said 'my name is Lovely and I'm going to get you drunk'. Tired from bus journey she did not sadly though we did frequent this bar ever night during our stay and exchanged our fair share of extremely aggressive high fives (by her instigation, not ours). It was a good laugh. Other than there we played pool with some local hustlers at Why Not Bar and had some dodgy cocktails. Our previous travel companions from Laos who had traveled Vietnam north to south were in the city at the same time so we met up briefly and had a few drinks and a good catch up with them. Always nice. Funnily enough, we met a couple at the hostel who recognised us from the slow boat into Laos from Thailand and said 'oh yeah we recognise you, you guys were the loud drunks ones on the boat!' Haha...oops. They were cool about it.

When not on the main beach, we took the cable car over to Vinpearl, an island resort with a water park, theme park and an awesome aquarium. This was an awesome day out. Apparently it has the longest cable car over a body of water? pretty impressive! Unfortunately, due to the rumours of the high levels of theft (apparently 6/10 people get mugged) I didn't get to take many photos for the blog but did what I could on the beach.

Other than that we dined at some incredible eateries, one of which served one of the best fish and chips EVER. Literally a fat fish fillet with a proper thick breadcrumb crust, chips, homemade tartare sauce and get this, malt vinegar!!! I dipped my chip in it thinking it would be foul fish sauce or something similar but when I put it in my mouth, it slapped my taste buds about and blew away the cobwebs that had accumulated in my memory of British food. I nearly cried full in tears of joy. Of course I did sample a traditional Vietnamese dish of stir fried sweet and sour beef served in a pineapple. On our last day we discovered a Texas BBQ joint and again, I nearly wept. Owned by a proper Texan old boy, I've never felt more at home than here. Bemusingly, he had dressed his cute Vietnamese staff in uniform akin to hooters girls. Not quite the same but it made me chuckle.

This has been an incredible city, made extra special by the hostel staff who really went out their way to make us feel welcome. Would definitely recommend!

So now I am Hoi An, a 12 hour night bus north from Nha Trang and guess what, it's my birthday bitches! Boo yaaaaa! Going to celebrate my quarter century in a big way tonight and then maybe tomorrow get a 3-piece custom suit made because apparently that's what you do here. Can't wait. So as it's my birthday, I'm going to get the festivities rolling! Peace!

Much love to you all. Keep safe! X

Last stop, Phnom Penh

And from Siem Reap I move onwards to Phnom Penh, Cambodia's concrete jungle capital by the river. It's a pretty awesome place, lots of bars and French influenced bakeries and patisseries dotted along the riverside and a massive central market flogging all the 'same same but different' tat. There are also some beautiful monuments and yet more temples and also the Kings palace - beautiful grounds but couldn't actually get in for some reason. But of course you don't come here without seeing the dark side of Cambodia's past, the killing fields.

After being hounded by a tuk tuk driver all morning we finally agreed to let him take us to the site. We braced ourselves for a very depressing day. And indeed it was. It was very eye opening to see such brutality and the shear disregard for human life. Though all spots were jaw-dropping, the particular bit that stood out had to be the killing tree where the Khmer Rouge swung babies by their feet into the tree until they died, then tossed them into the pit below. Couldn't believe it. Jolly right? 2 hours later we left the fields only to find our tuk tuk driver pissed off that we had taken too long and that now he would not take us back to the hostel. Naturally I chose to speak my mind to him. Not only had he never actually done the tour but he didn't care about the site. I told him what I thought of him without hesitation or reservation and not much else was said following those moments of tension ha. One day ill learn to keep a lid on it. One day. Maybe.

Had the most awkward moment of my trip so far that evening. Before we boarded the bus to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam Mother Nature called and so I found the nearest bush to wee in, conveniently behind a billboard. Though it was actually not that convenient....mid wee I noticed a guy some 20 meters away and didn't think much of it but then he began to approach me. As he got more uncomfortable close he began to stare (it was an eyes up here sort of moment) and I asked if he was ok and then he made a sound and gesture universally recognised. I then realised his intentions. I frantically ran to the bus, desperate to share this traumatising anecdote to my companions. Jesus. What a night.

Thank you Cambodia! It was short and sweet but it's time to go our separate ways. Vietnam awaits a mere 8 hours ahead!

Reaping the benefits

Siem reap. Wow, so much fun. We arrived in the city after some 17 hours on a bus later, very fatigued but excited to be exploring another amazing country. SR is a perfect blend of Chiang Mai's bustling small city feel and Pai's chilled out 'take it easy' ethos.

On day one of our stay, we sought out Viva Mexican restaurant for $1 tacos and iced margaritas. It's been a long time side I've had decent Mexican. Damn it was good. Topping it off was the 50 cent draught Angkor beers. Quality. SR has 2 incredible markets: the day time 'old' market and the night market. Both were detrimental to my budget. It was hard to resist the crafts and the incredibly friendly and persuasive vendors. Out of all the countries in SE Asia, Cambodians have shown the most kindness, humour and happiness. Unlike in Bangkok, exploring each and every stall was no problem and a dream.

The following day we went to the famous Angkor Wat temple for sunrise. It was glorious, except for the crazy amount of other sunrise seeking photographers. It was a glorious sunrise. We visited the surrounding temples for the rest of the day, hugged a lot of trees (apparently gives you good energy and also feels strangely comforting - and making you look like a prat), and tried to ruin many a Chinese tour groups photographs. So many of them in their bright coloured hats! Oh and I bought this awesome bamboo mouth harp thing, I plan to annoying a lot I people with this.

In the night time we ventured the infamous street 8, better known as Pub Street - one long street of bars and clubs selling 50 cent draught. Our two regulars were Angkor What? (Witty) and the Temple Club outside which we found ourselves doing the cha cha slide with locals in the middle of the street. Shameful I know but bloody fun (after 5 draughts I should mention). I love Siem Reap, would recommend it to anyone. At 12:30 am we had to bored yet another bus to take us to our next stop, Phnom Pehn for our depression fix - The Killing Fields of the Khmer Rouge.

Been there, Don Det

Witty title right? Ok, ill admit it, I obviously didn't come up with it but it was too good not to use.

So we arrived in Pakse after one of the many bus journeys from hell. As soon as we got off the bus we were told that we were too late for the connecting bus to the islands (damnit) so we had to stay in the city for the night. Pissed off, we headed to the centre to find a guest house while we were getting rinsed by locals for new year. Previously it was cute and fun but at that moment in time, I was ready to punch someone. Young or old. Cute or otherwise. Saying that though, I then spent the evening partying and getting soaked with some locals on a street corner. A brilliant evening.

The following day we finally made it to Don Det, 4,000 islands - a group of islands near the end of the river. We boarded a questionable boat and headed towards our island and ultimately to our sweet bungalows complete with hammocks and a sunset view. In the afternoon we headed back to the main land where it was practically Mecca for Lao new year. It was incredible. There was a massive stage with a huge sound system with a blend of locals and backpackers dancing around. There was also a huge tent style area filled with tons of the same crowd, young and old, holding down tables with crates of Beer Laos and bags of ice. Behind it was the beach's water where people splashed, bathed, played and past out around the moored boats. It was a blast and an excellent party to finish Laos Nee Year on, and ultimately, my time in Laos. I spent the evening swaying in my hammock and watching the stars.

Awesome.

Good morning Vietnam! (Had to be said, sorry)

Good morning Vietnam! I've been dying to say that for so long.... Ho Chi Minh city, wow what a place! Having traveled through Laos, a country trapped in time where the Flintstones is considered current affairs, I once again feel like Crocodile Dundee in the big city. A city of over 10 million people, with 26 districts,
It's a mammoth city. Some parts are lovely little allies of street food and stalls, and others there are massive skyscrapers and shopping malls. Oh and there are 6 million motorbikes. So about every other person has a bike. This brings mental to a whole new level. I felt like I was playing human frogger but as I kissed my St Christopher and crossed the street I actually felt like I was parting water.
Literally the only way to make it from one side of the street to the next is to step out confidently and keep walking. DO NOT STOP! As I walked, I could feel the bikes whizzing all around me, missing me by mere millimetres. And every time I got to the other side, I laughed in disbelief and wanted to hug the nearest person, ecstatic to be alive for one more day!

In the three days I stayed here we went to the war remnants museum which was once again very depressing. It goes without saying but Vietnam doesn't really view America with high regard. Though the museum didn't shy away from the atrocities of the war it was very one sided, against the US of course. Feeling pretty morose and deflated, we found comfort in an ABC Bakery which specialised in incredible pastries and doughnuts. In the evening we chilled out on plastic chairs drinking 30p draught Saigon Beer. Nice!

On day two we did a half day tour to the Cu Chi tunnels, the underground system used by the Vietcong during the war. On the way there we stopped off at a craft shop where disable victims affected by agent orange were making THE MOST incredible paintings, mosaics, carvings and furniture. Seriously, I'm a sucker for craftsmanship and south east Asia is going to bankrupt me. Damnit. Now the tunnels themselves were really bloody impressive. 'Mickey', our rather entertaining Vietnamese tour guide, gathered us around a circle and asked us to find the entrance to a tunnel system. We were stumped. He brushed aside some dirt and leaves to reveal a tiny trap door, no more than 16 inches long by 12 inches in width. Whaaaaaaat. I contorted my body so that I could descend into the hole and then I crawled some 20 meters on hands and knees in complete darkness along the passage way. I could feel that the tunnel was maybe an inch above my head and 2 inches either side of me.
This is a claustrophobics hell. From there Mickey showed us the various metal as bamboo traps used and the ventilation systems. In total this tunnels spanned over 450 km, from the end of the Saigon river and past the Cambodian border. At the end we we able to crawl through a 120 meter long tunnel, again on hands and knees, sweating my balls off along yr way. It was fun though, very very fun. Apparently I'd make make a good Vietcong. Not sure if that's a compliment or not...

Mickey also revealed to us the reason Asian people have much smaller eyes than westerners is because they eat so much rice and potato and carby foods that when they do #2 they're constantly whining and squinting.... Though amusing, I'm pretty sure that ticks some sort of un-PC / racism somewhere.... Ha.

When not getting my history lessons, I ventured into the central market. Again, hundreds of people selling the same same but exactly the same stuff. These sellers are much different than previous ones I've encountered. They will literally grab you by the arm and drag you into their shop. This doesn't fly with me. Don't touch me...I don't want to buy your tshirt.... On the occasion that I did see a tshirt I liked, I asked if they had a particular colour and size and after 5 minutes of them frantically searching they were unsuccessful. Politely and kindly I thanked them and started to leave. At which point they turned into horrible aggressive and shoo-ing people. They actually got angry and told me to go away and that I was crazy! I was stunned. This happens twice. I may or may not have quipped back with something equally sharp tongued.... Having worked in retail, there were many moments when I've also wanted to punch the customer or tell them where to go but I'd never actually do it! After speaking to a local, apparently to make as if you're going to buy something and then not is to bring bad luck to their stall. Makes sense but come on, I ain't going to buy a small pink shirt when I want navy medium. Duh. As sexy as I'm sure that would look however.

Last night we got out our 'nicest' clothes I dusted off my very over-worn Toms, and we went to the AB Skybar, some 46 floors higher towering the crazy city below. We went for happy hour cocktails (still bloody pricey), sipped out drinks and admired the surrounding views. Oh how the other Hal live. I felt like a celebrity! (In backpackers clothes...). It was insanely awesome.

Tonight, and right now in fact, I am riding on THE MOST amazing sleeper bus, heading to Nha Trang. If Emirates did buses, they would be like this. AC, a blanket, my own plush leather recliner my own tv screen...sa-weet!

Anyways, I hope all you are doing well, wherever you are. I miss you all tons. Be safe and be good. And until next time, much love! X