30th of April, my quarter-century celebrations! My birthday started off in a rather fitting, ironic and bemusing way. After rolling off yet another tedious night bus we were then bundled into a 6-person minibus to be taken to our hostel. There were 13 of us. Being the (sometimes) chivalrous person that I am, I let everyone have at least one cheek on a seat. At exactly 8.00 am, as I stood contorted and hunched over the seats à la Notre Dame bell ringer, it occurred to me that at this moment 25 years ago I was in a similar precarious position. Most amusing I thought.
After a brief rainstorm and a couple games of pool the true celebrations began with terrible Vietnamese rum and coke - the cheap and cheerful option. And of course my hero of a travel buddy Déjan organised a wicked cake to be made for me which got damaged in the refrigeration process but was cleverly disguised by a strategically placed snickers bar. A nice touch I feel. A standard drunken birthday night ensued which was a good laugh. That was until a bar / street brawl broke out in our group. One of the girls in our posse was mistaken for a promoter for the rival bar which apparently the Vietnamese staff of the then present bar weren't fond of. And when I say that, I mean that one wrapped his belt around his wrist and was about to twat me one. A bit strong I thought. Then another threatened to kill one of our other mates so needless to say it all got a bit tense and awkward. After a lot of diffusion and fast-walking in a zig zag pattern (a confusion tactic, definitely not a sign of too much birthday juice) we continued to have a brilliant night out. Unscathed I might add.
Our next big adventure was driving our motorbikes from Hoi An to Hue along the same beautiful coastal road that the Top Gear boys did. That was bloody awesome. Even when we were conveniently misdirected to a local's monkey 'tourist destination' literally at a dead end up in the clouds, the drive was spectacular. We even passed enamoured newly weds posing along the cliffs. And I even bought a cool hippy bracelet from an enthusiastic lady up in the hills along the way. What an awesome day. Tired, windswept and significantly sun-kissed we arrived at Hue backpackers and played giant Jenga for a time before checking out the night life. Again.
A quick 2 day blitz in Hue and we moved onto our final destination in this epic country - Hanoi. For a such a busy city, there's surprisingly not a lot to do here that warrants much venture and discovery. There's a fair few museums, which are annoyingly closed on Mondays and Fridays and awkward times during the day, a run-of-the-mill night market and water puppetry. Saying that, the latter - in my opinion - was awesome. It included an hour-long performance of the traditional Vietnamese water puppets conveying the country's history and culture, all accompanied by traditional Vietnamese music played by some incredibly talented musicians. I learned two things from this show: 1) women use fans and umbrellas to display signs of affection to their loved ones while men play pan pipes or flutes. So when I eventually go back home to rainy England, ill be sure to get my flute out (waheeey) as it would be rude not to reciprocate the many flirtatious umbrella holders; 2) Vietnamese people, as a whole, apparently came about as a result of the copulation between a dragon and a peacock. Explain that one to me Darwin. I was never taught anything as an ignorant and naive kid but I'm told similar rumours of procreation between birds, bees, and storks. Mother Nature has got a lot to answer for.
Questionable biology lessons aside, we also took a three day tour of Halong Bay which was truly beautiful. We rode a serious of small 'put-put' boats as I like to call them and boarded our main vessel, a glorious cruise boat called Asia Cruise which took us in and around the many hundred islands and to Monkey Beach Resort. Day one included a tour of one of Cat Ba's caves which featured vast and varying displays of limestone features. Unlike our previous wonderment of Laos's Konglor Cave, our tour guide at this cave (named 'Smokey') quickly led us around inside while pointing out all the genital-shaped and other perversely shaped rock formations. "Can you see that? It looks like a penis", "and how about that lump, that's a big breast", "you see that gaping hole? that's called 'man's dream'". Bloody hell, what is it with this country. Take a cold shower, seriously.
Afterwards we then paired up and kayaked in and around the floating villages and tiny islands. Lastly, we then ended the day by jumping off our cruise boat into the surrounding jade-coloured waters as the sun was setting. It was all so glorious until I attempted to backflip off the boat, bailed half-way through, landed on the side of my face on the water, ultimately causing my eardrum to rupture. Damnit. That night we ate a brilliant meal, played some games and slept on the boat. On the next day we were taken to Monkey Island where we spent the day sleeping on the beach, playing an intense game of volleyball and enjoying yet another delicious banquet. I know what you're thinking, life's bloody hard sometimes!
Before I finish up this post, I must also briefly brag by saying that I won the hostel's own talent show competition. There wasn't much competition though...maybe 3 other acts? So don't go rushing for my autographs and re-tweets just yet. In round one I performed the only magic 'trick' I know by shoving a long piece of bamboo straight into my face as fellow backpackers looked on with disgust and bemusement (not sure you can call that a talent). In round two I used my arguably only real 'talent' and serenaded the crowd with a beautiful a cappella song. I can't repeat the title as its not strictly suitable for all readers (family / future employers) but its by Tenacious D and ends with 'gently'. A near deafening applause was offered, clinching my victory. As well as the two nights free accommodation I received, I also won 3 free jugs of booze. My victory that night was short lived as I was later found fast asleep on a cubicle floor and somehow mysteriously bundled into my bed. Oh how the mighty fall.
I'm here in Hanoi for another two days when on the 14th I fly back to Bangers (Bangkok) to then make our onward journey to the idyllic Thai islands. First stop, Ko Tao for some scuba diving hopefully and then Ko Phangnan for, you guessed it, the full moon party. Then, money permitting, ill be heading west to Krabi and Ko Lanta for some intense rock climbing and deep water soloing. I can't bloody wait! What a way to round off my trip of South East Asia.
So it's just after midnight now and I'm feeling pretty tired so im going to wrap this up with a bow and bid you all a good night and hope you are all well. As always, much love and hope you enjoy the photos.
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