Mad markets, fruity hippies and dancing ladyboys

Hello hello!

So it's been quite a few days since my last riveting entry and in Chiang Mai, one can do a lot in that time and indeed I have so brace yourselves for another edition of Morse Miles! Sorry, I've just woken up from a nap so have rejuvenated energy.

Let's see what have I done...oh yeah, the Sunday walking market. So every Sunday every man / woman and their dog and indeed Aunty comes out of the cracks and quite literally fills the streets with stalls, selling artisan crafts, foods, clothes, art, herbs and remedies. Just all sorts. I started off at about 11am in one market area by the gates of the city and spent a good couple of hours trying to navigate my way around the stalls and the many irritating frog noise-making ladies. Honestly, they're bloody everywhere! I think I'm going to buy one and then follow that woman around, see if she gets irritated. Though saying that, I think they're deaf anyway. When you say no they still hold out the frog to you with a vacant smile for a good few moments before your dissatisfied face just about sends the message.

After buying a few pretty cool gifts, I ventured down the streets and picked up some pretty damn tasty spring rolls, sushi and miniature pastry things I found myself sitting in the grounds of a temple in and amongst some other markets and stalls. Odd moment happened at 6pm where it went from cacophony to silence as everyone, including myself, stood for the national anthem. When it ended, everyone resumed their murmurings. It was like someone had Bernard's Watch. Mental.
It was 8pm by the time I got home, near enough broke but culturally satisfied. It was incredible.

Went indoor rock climbing one morning, met a polite little American boy who e me a little life lesson. As he regaled me with his stories of how he could climb really high and indeed showed me his abilities I told him that he seemed to not have much fear to which he quipped back 'well it seems like you've got too much fear'. Ah the wise words of quite the astute boy. Cheeky shit.

He was quite right though. The next day I did an all day climbing course out at Crazy Horse Buttress (cliff feature looks like a crazed horse...) where I found myself about 50 meters high on a jagged limestone cliff face crapping my pants. Not literally. At that height I was trying to enjoy the amazing panoramic view before me while practicing all these newly learned technical skills, skills that if I buggered them up I would probably die. My legs were like jelly and I don't think I've ever sweated so much. It was an amazing day and I definitely got the climbing bug again. Speaking of bugs, there's all sorts of crazy ass bugs in this country. And the mosquitos, oh the Mosquitos. I thought I'd be used to the incessant itching but no, it's a constant in my life as much as having travellers poohs. Delightful daily routine - breathing, eating, sleeping, poohing and scratching. Sometimes all at ones, sometimes not.

Today I took a short trip up the mountains to Doi Suthep, a pretty spectacular temple up in, well, the mountains. It was quite a spectacle but to be honest my attention span for temples has waned quite considerably since entering Thailand. That's bad I know but today I climbed the 300 odd steps got to the top, had a wander and thought 'wow, beautiful temple, gilded Buddhas, nice view, next'. The facebook effect again I suppose plus my brain was elsewhere today. Still nice though and would highly recommend.

Enough of the activities, how about the people. As I'm sure any other backpacker would testify, you can expect to meet all sorts of people from all walks of life. I've particularly enjoyed this part of travelling. Just a couple of quick examples for you. In my last hostel I met an Australian guy who eats nothing but fruit and leaves. He could tell you anything about fruit and at great length. I indulged in this amusing moment to chat to this guy as he munched on rotten mangos, bits stuck in his Jesus like beard and hands. And then he began to tell me how chocolate should be avoided at all costs and that we're all lactose and wheat intolerant from the age of three. At that point ill admit, I tuned out and started thinking about how much I wanted a glass of milk and a snickers. For me, those two would beat moldy fruit and rabbit food any day.

I am now residing at a hostel come trippy Alice in Wonderland one room flat in the arse end of nowhere in Chiang Mai (check out the photo of the mad paper mâché tree he's made which is the focus of the hostel/bedroom/common room/kitchen). The owner is a really pleasant guy born Thai and raised in San Francisco, very accommodating, hospitable and social. And very very 'alternative'. By day he is a passionate artist/sculptor/creator (not in the God sense), by night he is an equally passionate lady boy - he loves his drag. To be fair, he makes a good job of it I suppose. Quite convincing. Last night he took us to a drag cabaret show starring Chiang Mai's 'finest' lady boys. A bemusing sight to say the least. Most confusing of performances was when a lady boy did a boy/girl duet by her/himself half dressed as a woman, the other as a man. Baffling. Too much for my brain to comprehend.

Right I reckon that's enough gossip for all you readers for now. I've planned for an elephant trek, more climbing, a thai massage (not a dodgy one, I think) in the next 2 days so ill update everyone post-activity. Also, going to rent out a moped on Saturday or Sunday and drive to an even hippier town of Pai for camp fires and chilled-outness. Pretty excited.

Anyways, much love to you all!

Chiang Mai (day one)

And sweet FA was all I did in Koh Samet! My days consisted off breakfast, reading on the beach, dinner and many an impressive fire show, off road taxi across the island and then cocktails + the occasional shisha. Initially that routine was welcomed and indeed relaxing but it got a bit 'same same' very quickly. I don't know if all of the islands are like this but it appeared as though this was the paradise island to come if you were an old white western man with a rent-a-Thai bride / girlfriend / mistress. Very odd. Must do research into this later. After 5 nights I was certainly ready to move on.

Back once again in Bangkok we set out to the infamous backpacker Mecca of Khao San Road. Here we sampled grilled scorpions, 'cocktails very strong', and markets of souvenir tat including very irritating wooden frogs which, with a stick stroked across its back, 'ribbeted' - a sound now annoyingly embedded into my brain. At one of the bars I witnessed an older man who has either stayed in Thailand too long, taken one too many pills, or in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Or perhaps a combination of the lot. Either way it was clear he was having an amazing time, evidenced through his smiling eyes, gaping mouth and questionable dance moves. It was captivating! I could only wonder what life occurrences led him to this apparent free-spirited point. This evening I met a group of Swedish friends whose occupations included a baker, a lorry mechanic, a miner, and a professional gambler. An unlikely and random assortment! Also met a couple of scousers from Hunts Cross who 'gifted' us a scorpion and a rose. Must make a mental note for future valentines day gift ideas.

The following afternoon our little close knit volunteer group disbanded (boo) while me and another volunteer decided to set off for Chiang Mai, quite bored of the Bangkok madness. After a stressful and confusing wander around the popular MBK shopping centre (the inner layout and escalator system akin to the maze-like wirings of a madman's brain), and nearly getting dragged beneath a speeding tuk tuk on the Rama I road, we caught the night sleeper train to Chiang Mai. 14 delirious hours later we arrived and found a quaint little hostel in the city centre.

I'm now at a little cafe feeling not quite myself, a likely result of the intermittent sleep on the train, hunger, heat and the sentimental depressing music playing here. Honestly, what is it with Thailand and their sappy emotional sad music?! In Koh Samet, when the bars weren't blasting flo-rider's 'Whistle' or the obvious 'Gamgnam Style', it was all Whitney Houston or Clapton's 'Tears in Heaven'!

Anyways, going to set off to explore this city where apparently there's a never-ending list of activities to do. Might investigate rock climbing at Crazy Horse Buttress.

Ta ta for now chums and chummettes. Much love

Sun, sand, and nature's hypodermic needles

Woke up this morning to see the sunrise. Google told me it was due to appear at 6:24. With all the excitement of a child (albeit a groggy headed one - went out last night, got to bed at 1:30 - details later) on Christmas Eve I woke up at 6, just to be on the safe side incase the sun's got a busy day and wanted to make a head start on things. Got to the shoreline and waited.

Why when we want to see nature at its most beautiful does it have to punish us by filling the air with a thousand flying hypodermic needles?! Seriously, what's the bloody point of mossys? If anything, I should be rewarded with an impenetrable aura of protection from those little javelins for being so keen to in spite of my headache.

Waited some more. The sun was late. maybe it went out last night too. It was 6:30 and still no sign. 6:50 approached and the sun then began to show its apologetic glowing mug. It wasn't what I was expecting (perhaps I've spent too much time watching the Lion King) but it was pretty none the less.

Sweaty, itchy and flustered I quickly took some snaps and sauntered off back to my room. It's 7:09 now. Going back to bed for a bit. When I re-surface, the sun better be on top of its game.

Life's a beach

What up! It's Sunday morning and I'm currently eating my 'American Style' breakfast on the beach, gentle waves breaking on the shore but 15 feet away. Hello Ko Samet!

Friday was our last day at the school in Ang Thong and it was surprisingly quite a sad day. The night before, our host family gave us a send off party complete with a feast of all the Thai dishes we had really liked during the week and traditional Thai music played by the relatives of the family. Gifts were exchanged, the girls receive nice bracelets from the temple in Ayuthaya and I was given a multipurpose sarong (as demonstrated by Surin - it felt a little like a buff advert ha). A fantastic and memorable time was had by all. At school the following day we taught Kindergarten for the last time, well I say taught, we just let them do whatever they wanted (reading books, singing old mcdonald, climbing all over teachers). After lunch we attended a school assembly where the director gave us certificates as volunteer teachers, more
lovely gifts (I got another sarong and one of the loudest tropical shirts I've ever laid eyes upon) and the pupils lined up and said thank you and good-bye to us. Each and every 170 of them which included an assortment of their traditional bow, my high five, handshakes and hugs, lots and lots of hugs. It was a touching and proud moment. Despite the seldom frustrations and tedium, it was all worth it. Unforgettable.

Later that day we were then transferred to Bangkok for the night. After being completely submerged in the 'country way of life' in Ang Thong, I felt like Crocodile Dundee when he goes to New York, bewildered by the bedlam of this insane city. Bangkok is bonkers. Really really bonkers. So first meal by ourselves for the first time in 10 days and what do we have? Well it had to be Pizza Hut obviously. Don't get me wrong, I love thai food but after over a week of it - including rice or chicken knuckle soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner - suffice it to say it played havoc with my weak, inferior British stomach. With dodgy unstable guts I was looking forward to some cheesy carb overload so gorged myself on a large deep pan meat feast with mozzarella sticks and a large Pepsi. Bliss.

By bus, ferry and what appeared to be nothing more than driftwood, we were finally on this idyllic paradise of an island. No mucking about, I was straight into my room (temporarily stood to appreciate the towel swans and lotus flowers made my the housekeeper), whipped on my swing shorts and ran to the water, much like the Hoff and just as sexy.... Evening came and so did the drinks - a heady mix of dry martinis, Chang beer and caipirinhas - while we watched young fire twirlers and people whipping up the freshest of fresh fish dishes. Again, bliss.

Today I plan to do sweet F A and work on this sorry excuse of a tan. Maybe catch a crab or play with nemo. Right, must dash now, time to get seconds! Much love and that!

'Go to school, p**s in a plant pot, throw books around, go home'

Bit of an odd and unexciting post today. Not much has happened this week insofar as mind-broadening cultural experiences just a few anecdotes of school life in Ang Thong.

It has become ever more apparent this week just how slim a grasp that both teachers and students have of the English language and its ever confusing complexities. On Tuesday we were teaching a class of 11 year olds basic conversation e.g 'what are you doing' 'I am running / writing / sitting / reading' etc. that was a pretty difficult concept for them granted. The following day their regular teacher hands me a sheet and says 'today you teach this, I don't understand it'. And I'm not bloody surprised. Basically it was a sheet of problem solving prompts which the student marks off in a chart to then ultimately find out a particular answer. Now I can be pretty dense at times I know but it took us (the volunteers) a good half an hour to even solve the task ourselves and this was before we could even introduce the task. So if we didn't get it instantly, and their own bloody teacher, how are the kids going to understand after a teeth-pulling lesson of 'I am eating, I am sniffing, I am failing to understand this non-sensical language'. Suffice it to day, I gave the poor kids the answers and just had them repeat the words to me such as 'green, horse, five'. Absolutely no hope. I appreciate that I'm coming across as ranty but yes, I was pretty pissed off with the teachers scope of the pupils current ability and level and just dumping it on us.

Anyways, today wasn't much better, our normal 'supervising' teacher buggered off all day today leaving us to teach her classes by ourselves lessons on family members. Easy enough but it was hot as balls today, kids weren't interested, and many a fight broke out in class in which I found myself in the middle of.

When not in class we attempted to find a bit of piece and quiet in a lovely little gazebo thing to collect our thoughts. Then kindergarteners found us and any serenity quickly vaporised. Sitting there enjoying the sun, a small child rocked up, pulled his pants down and wee'd in the adjacent plant pot, pulled his pants up and made frisbees out of his colouring books. Another volunteer summed the day up quite poignantly 'come to school, do a piss in the plant pot, chuck some books about, go home'. Brilliant.

The day ended on a downer when I found myself intervening in a pretty serious fight (when none of the actual teachers seemed interested) involving a knife, knuckledusters, a 13 year old boy the size of a house and a lesser-sized boy in tears. Great. After the situation was diffused I was off home. Apparently this village is dry (ie no booze, it's far from actually dry - it's one of the largest producers of bloody rice [which I'm growing increasingly bored of now]) so could only celebrate the day with a strawberry fanta and a packet of oddly flavoured lobster crisps. What I would give right now for a snickers, Budweiser, and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. Christ, what a day.

1 1/2 days left then ill be back in the relative normality of Bangkok then taking a leisurely boat ride to Ko Samet for white sandy beaches, hot showers, and hopefully a lot of alcohol.

Enjoy the pictures below! (Me and the school director - he invited me back to Thailand for free with the prospect of a job, get in! / The pupils lined up in the morning before class / our cruisers - hardly hells angels / and a little mate that joined me today while I relaxed in the hammock)

Living for the weekend (as an English teaching volunteer)

Good afternoon/evening/morning one and all readers! I am currently writing to you on this, a lazy Sunday afternoon, gently swinging in a hammock beneath two mango trees while a cool and welcoming breeze blows and nearby wind chimes delicately sound. God, it sounds like a corny line from a Jack Jackson song but hey ho, this is the life and I'm not about to start complaining.

So first week of teaching is over and done with! I've had some brilliant lessons with some brilliant students. I like the know-it-all swots of the class but their intelligence tends to bore me whereas I particularly enjoy the more challenging muck about students. There is one sweet, albeit rambunctious, little boy in kindergarten who I now affectionately call Captain Shit Bag because, well, he's a little shit. A little lovely shit though it has to be said. Overall though, it's been one hell of a learning curve and I'm ready and prepared to smash this week and make it something extra special as its my last at this school and ultimately in Ang Thong.

After an exhausting week it was time to 'live for the weekend' Thai style. No, I don't mean with more jaw-dropping ping pong shows or scorpion eating but instead with all those furry creatures great and small, starting with the smaller end of the scale - the monkeys.

My host family drove us to a little monkey sanctuary in the near by city of Ayuthaya where both chimp and monk appeared to be at one with each other. 40 baht later and a basket full of corn and monkey nuts (I know understand the name) I was sitting amongst (and often face to face) our distant relatives getting abused for my basket of goods. I can now say that my first ever Thai massage was given by a monkey. After a thorough checking over of nits by my primate pals (much appreciated after my week of some dirty bit-ridden children), it was off to the elephant village.

Now I love animals, always seem to get along with them but I was actually intimidated and impressed with the strength and shear size of these things. Seeing one behind bars (ie zoo, not for a criminal offence) is one thing but having one wrap their trunk around your arm is something else. 100 baht later and yet another basket of veg, this bloody elephant took not one of the pieces of cucumber, but tore the actual basket in the coils of his trunk and chucked them into his gaping mouth! The cheek! I felt a bit ripped off and was about scramble to regain my veg but thought better of it. We then went to another few markets and temple ruins and stopped for lunch, where after some indiscernible dialogue between our host elder and the market chef, I then quickly found myself in the position of wok master and was scrambling eggs, browning tofu and flashing up phat thai to passing customers. Aroi mai? Aroi maak (very delicious). Shortly after I was then locked in a dual with a little boy to see who could eat the most coconut custards from these ceramic bowls. Naturally I won, but really I think he was the real winner as I felt all the worse for it.

On our way back home after a long day we pulled up at an elephant village where my close encounters of an elephant kind got closer still - riding the bloody thing. I climbed the steps to sort of balcony where I boarded the beast and set off on a short 15 minute jaunt around the neighbouring temple. If elephants were cars, 1st gear is arguably the most comfortable pace but once up to 2nd, the crudely made chair with canopy attached began to see-saw on the rhythmic shoulder blades of the elephant, making me immediately regret the vast consumption of the aforementioned custards. Trying to appreciate the surroundings, and not chunder all over the back of this clearly overworked animal, I couldn't help but feel morally wrong about this activity. Yes these animals are massive and have the strength to unearth a tree but these padded metal chairs cannot be comfortable. And it's damn hot! And strangely, we were sharing a road with tuk-tuks, cars and motorcycles. And obviously, I was only one of many a tourist to have paid for this experience. Don't get me wrong, it was an enjoyable novelty but it all just felt a bit unethical doing it this way. I think ill prefer the barebacking in Chang Mai in the more natural surroundings. All in all it was an amusing and enjoyable day.

Today (Sunday) was a day of rest and happily doing sod all. Leung Chai had to go to Bangkok for business this afternoon so left me in charge of his kitchen and cooking for everyone. After a crash course in making authentic phat thai I was left un-aided and unattended and I have to say, it turned out pretty damn well! It's definitely better phet nit noi (a little spicy) and with shaved papaya. Today I have also practiced the newly introduced to me Thai sport of takraw, a cross between volleyball and football using a smaller wicker ball. I'm nowhere near the acrobatic level as seen in the clip below but I'm ready to give it a shot at thrashing Captain Shit Bag and Co on the courts tomorrow at school!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61aR25junNo&sns=em

Off to shower and do some lesson planning now, 5 more days then its off to Koh Samet for beach bliss. Cannot bloody wait.

Much love