Tales from Down Under

And like the yellow peanut m&m exclaimed upon seeing Santa in the flesh 'he does exist!' Yes that's right folks, after quite the hiatus I thought it was about time that I returned to my blogging and update all those interested of my recent adventures down under! 

Firstly, I'd like to extend to you an obligatory and predictable 'g'day' and 'how you going?' and also, a very merry Christmas indeed (sweet as bro). So at the time of writing, it's 18.48 on December the 27th. Normally at this time of the post Christmas Day year, the festive cheer that had been forced upon me during the months of November and December by commercial or social means would be very quickly wearing off. All that would remain would be a broke, fat, lazy, and very pale shadow of my normal cynical self. However, as I spent my Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere here in Oz, I couldn't be more aptly converse.

It's early evening, the sky is baby blue and the sun is still beaming it's last warming rays before sunset at about 20.45, as opposed to 16.30 back in bleak ole Blighty. In place of a horrendous pair of socks given to me by a member of the extended family or a less than creative / arsed secret Santa, I'm sporting a pair of brightly coloured Rip Curl flip flops (purchased during the Boxing Day sales). Instead of a pair of jeans or comfy sweats (depending on just how much was consumed) - the waistband of which barely withholding the expanding gut beneath - I'm wearing a nicely fitted pair of gnarly board shorts (dude). And on my face, well of course I'm wearing sunnies! Not because I want to hide my gaunt / skeletor-esque complexion, but because it's actually bright and quite marvelous outside. And to top it off, I'm the colour of an evenly baked gingerbread man, courtesy of the 30 plus degree weather we've been having over the past week. 

As for food, well let's be honest, I'm a traveller and Australia is insanely expensive so I haven't exactly been able to afford the goosefat potatoes and 3-bird roasts. Saying that though, I have managed to eat some own brand mince pies and a sample-size portion of a cheese platter. But as the Aussie Xmas stereotype depicts, I did indeed partake in a BBQ of kangaroo skewers, burgers, chorizo, chicken kababs (albeit dangerous undercooked - don't tell the host) and cider. And oh the cider - too easy to drink and too easy to forget what's going on. It's safe to say that the timeless Xmas tradition of considerable inebriation was maintained. Following the carnivorous feast, it was off to the beach with friends to frolick in the water, drink in the sunshine and sweat in our obligatory Santa hats. A happy, and very merry Christmas indeed. 

All things considered, while it was a unique and very awesome way to spend Christmas in such idyllic conditions and with great company, it's still not a patch on spending it with family.  I did make every effort to replicate all the norms of Christmases past - Slade and Cliff on the speakers, Muppet Christmas Carol on the tele, I even took myself to midnight mass to sit amongst the babbling babies, snotty old men blowing into hankies (honestly, who does that anymore, and why?!), and warbling operatics determined to take a solo harmony with the rest of the congregation. It felt similar and yet just not quite the same. Maybe I am an traditionalist at heart, accustomed to all those thoughts and feelings aforementioned (including the questionable Xmas clothing) or maybe it is just because this was my first Christmas away from 'home' and family. Either way, one thing is for sure, I do heartily miss both. 

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Australia is a bloody brilliant place. Save for its portrayal in Neighbours / Home and Away, both seen on a 12 by 12 inch screen at the dinner table as a kid, I never really had any expectations of the country.

I've now been living and working in Melbourne for over 6 months and it's been pretty awesome. I'm currently living in St Kilda, a young and trendy area of the city. It's very much a backpackers destination and indeed a destination for most people visiting the city. It's got pretty much everything you want - lots of shops, restaurants, bars, cafés, frommageries, patisseries, ice creameries, clubs, beach and park / lake. All of which about a 3 minute walk away in any direction! Pretty cushty if I do say so myself. One of my favourite places to eat here has to be Coneheads. After a night of vodka, lemon, lime & bitters, or the popular 'wet pussy' shots at 29th apartment (brilliant bar down the road which plays 90's pop and r&b on a Wednesday), Coneheads emits the blinding and unflattering fluorescent light at the end of a hazy tunnel with its perfectly cooked chips and tantalising burgers that you need two hands to eat (and a wad of napkins to mop up the juices after). It's a short ride into the CBD on the number 96 which provides endless moments of surreal bemusement    from all sorts of interesting walks of life, mainly to and from the city on a Friday and Saturday night. And it wouldn't be right to talk about St Kilda without a brief mention of the Gatwick hotel, a once fully functioning and respected hotel, now a dilapidated respite for heroine addicts. There's always a colourful display of red and blue lights outside at the weekend. Apparently they serve roast dinners for a dollar. Side of smack at an additional cost mind. Might have to check it out.

Job wise, I've worked a number of them mainly in hospitality including an Italian restaurant nearby, an exclusive gentleman's club (of the cigar and highbrow kind, not of the tassel and private room kind...), the Crown Casino, the Raheen Mansion (owned by the Pratt family, one of Australia's wealthiest), and Masterchef Dining and Bar. I must admit, the latter has got to be one of the best places I've ever worked, I made so many good friends and contacts there. I even got made a cameo appearance during the Masterchef Australia finale! Evidence is indeed on YouTube if interested. Please excuse, if you can, the throwback hairdo. 

Outside of Melbourne, the only other part of Aus that I've seen is Alice Springs and Uluru / Ayers Rock. While most of the time was spent driving along a straight and dusty road scattered with dry and withered shrubs and the splattered remains of the occasional thorny toad it was actually really enjoyable. Ayers Rock itself was surprisingingly captivating and majestic and the Olgas - the nearby geographical site - was even more amazing. And even more amazing than that was the size of the testicles on the rock wallabies we fed at the Alice springs rest stop. They were like newtons cradle! A word of caution for all those intending to visit the outback, buy a fly net. Flies are everywhere. I caught two with my lips like some sort of xman-esque mutant toad, and three with my eye lids. I challenge anyone to beat that.

Anyways, I'm beginning to ramble on a bit now so I'll wrap this up and put a bow on it. Australia has been very good to me thus far. On January 3rd I'll be leaving Melbourne to do some sightseeing, taking in the Great Ocean Road and traveling up the east coast towards Cairns and the Whitsundays. In short, I can't bloody wait! That being said, keep posted for more regular blog tastic entries and of course some fantastic snaps. I hope you're all gloriously well and loving life. As always, much love. Here are a selection of my favourite photos taken in Aus so far. Enjoy!

The end of one chapter, the beginning of another.

I am sitting in Fernloft Hostel in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It is June 11th, the last  day of my travels of South East Asia and in a few hours, I will be on my way to the airport where I will be flying to Melbourne to begin the next chapter of my travels and ultimately self-/other-discovery. 

I am ball of nervous excitement. Strangely, although I suppose it was to be expected, I am feeling the same emotions I previously experienced at Heathrow airport on Feb 21st, but a few hours before I set off on this great big adventure. 

As I sit here reflecting over the past 4 months and all of its wonderful experiences and all the truly amazing people I have met along the way, I find comfort in knowing that the pleasure and great satisfaction I currently feel is undoubtedly a sign of things to come in the land down under. Though I feel like I could poo my pants at any moment now,  I cannot bloody wait to explore this amazing country that so many people flock to. Bring it on.

Malaysia has been bloody brilliant. What an amazing country to have ended my travels in. Though it has been a somewhat fleeting visit, It has to be up there in my top countries to see. I started off in the old British colony of Penang, a small island just off the west coast of Malaysia. I stayed in the north east corner of Georgetown which was amazing. When looking at the hugely diverse architecture and food you can see the history and the lasting influence of Malay, Muslim, Indian, British and Chinese culture. It's literally a culture fusion with Georgetown being the meeting point. 

I had heard from other travellers passing through Malaysia that there wasn't much to do in Penang so I was reluctant but I soon discovered that I didn't have nearly enough time there to do everything that I wanted! Saying that, I did go to the beautiful and serene botanic gardens where moniter lizards and monkeys roamed freely (sometimes a bit too close for comfort). Perhaps not so cultural, but  I also scoped out what their malls had to offer. Bottom line, I simply can't pull off the Malaysian look. Those jeans are way too tight and I'm definitely not tan enough to sport the colourful shirts. For a bit of history I explored Fort Cornwallis where Britain first made their mark on the  state. It's a tiny fort with a huge artillery of cannons and gun powder storage rooms and Malaysia's first Anglican churches. As per, it was drearily designed. Apparently the fort never saw any action, all bark and no bite! 

Perhaps the coolest things I did in Penang was go to the annual Durian Festival. Durian "the king of fruits" was one of those 'must try' foods in Asia. I was hesitant as it smells like garbage. It is strictly prohibited from all public transportation for this reason. But apparently, the locals love it and Penang is one of the largest producers of the stuff due to its nutrient rich and perfectly suited growing conditions. So I headed out to the festival to join in the celebration of this bizarre fruit. These guys are proper durian experts! There's over 10 different types, all tasting very different. Or so I'm told. To my ignorant tongue, they all tasted the same. Expecting to crunch or chew this fruit, I was surprised to find that it's sticky, slimy and custard-like in consistency. As a person who has difficulties with this type of texture in food, I fought the urge to gag violently. Didn't want to make a scene and be disrespectful to 'the king' and all that. As for the taste, it was rich, garlicky, oniony, banana-y, milky and creamy all in one. I can't even compare it to a fruit. It just tastes like durian I guess. While I was gingerly eating the pulpy flesh from around the walnut-sized seed, I noticed that the locals both young and old were enthusiastically gobbling the stink down. It was a little off putting, like watching your grandmother eat pork crackling or sucking the bones dry off your Sunday roast dinner. Still, I remained polite and smiley with the gunk lingering on my breath. I finished my seed and bought a load of sweeter, much more enjoyable mangosteen to wash it down. Will I eat durian again? Most probably not. Not by choice anyway. That's another box ticked. 

After 4 days, I left Penang and headed for the capital city of Kuala Lumpur. The lush green mountainous landscape of Malaysia is spectacular and is really something to behold. As I stepped off the bus, I was instantly impressed by the city's skyline, an array of quaintly classical buildings dotted in, amongst, and sometimes against huge modern skyscrapers and banks of varying materials. 

In the evenings, I walked around the many walking streets including china town, petaling street and Kasturi walks scoffing down on delicious street food. During the days, I wandered around the gargantuan and highly modern pavillion and KLCC malls. This was pretty depressing as I'm quite broke and its very expensive. Still it was nice to pretend that I was going to buy that sporty red Mazurati, complete with a rather attractive Malay car saleswoman. Or so I hoped...

Afterwards, when I had spent my last remaining pennies or 'sen', I strolled around the park beneath the towering Petronas Twin Towers. They were amazing! I kept on thinking about the last few scenes in Entrapment if anyone has ever seen that. Yesterday I spent the day ambling along the paths in another near by park, visiting the butterfly gardens and  the Kuala Lumpur history museum, all before downing the finest Long Island iced teas as caipirinhas the city had to offer.

Though it was brief, KL, and Malaysia as a whole, has been good to me. I absolutely must return to spend explore the country more!

So it's just after 5pm now, I'm heading for the airport at 6. I feel that I'm definitely leaving this part of the world on a massive high (not in the previous vang-vieng sort of way mind). South East Asia is beautiful and I will miss it greatly and think of it fondly. It's no wonder why so many people choose to travel here. It won't be the same in 5 years time, but still I look forward to see how time shapes these countries, their cultures and their people. 

As mentioned, though this is the end of one chapter, it is by no means the end of my blog (perhaps you are sighing with disappointment but I hope most of you are elated and cheering!). Australia will surely provide a constant stream of stories and further musings that I must regale you all with (whether you like it or not). I am nervous yes, but in utter wonderment of the things to come. I intend to enter Oz with a blank page and an open mind. A new beginning if you will. Starting afresh with literally only the clothes on my back. Who knows what's in store!

So I will end today's blog here with a quite fitting quote my brother shared with me:

Just finished a book and the following was the end quote which I thought might resonate:

"Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life - and travel - leaves a mark on you.  Most of the time, those marks - on your body or on your heart- are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt." - A. Bourdain.

Much love x